What to do when you're in a Funk

I've been running this program for a few months now with a wonderful group of women.  My role in the program is facilitator but I am also a participant working on my own business and one of my personal goals is to write and share my writings.  But my day job has been really, really hard.  Emotionally and physically hard.  Many days my confidence is on the floor. 

My goal for the last few weeks has been to write something that I am not terribly embarrassed to post.  Literally, that was the goal - something I am not embarrassed to post.  But when I am down, I have a hard time with inspiration.  I struggle to find my voice.

And for the third time in so many weeks, I had failed to complete my commitments.  The whole purpose of the program is to provide accountability through a group of peers as we work towards our goals. So falling on my commitments is total anti-everything I am teaching and encouraging.

So I decided I needed to get out of my funk.  Here's what I did:

1. Take a break. I decided to take a break from the thing that was weighing me down. You can't always do that in life but when you can because the thing lacks urgency, it's OK to take a break.  It feels counterintuitive in a culture that emphasizes leaning in to our problems but taking a break often opens us up and gives space for clarity.
    

2. Shift my focus.  Since I couldn't focus on writing, I decided to focus on other things that I could do.  Not busy work, but other things that are part of my plan where I can make some progress towards my goals. I needed to work on my website and that does not require the same level of emotional digging that writing does.  I made some good progress there. I also helped a friend with her site and it felt good to help someone else.
    

3. Give yourself some credit.  It's been a rough few months for me but I decided to take a look back to where I've been.  And I was amazed.  One of my personal goals is to reduce debt and buy less non-essentials.  When I looked at my finances, I saw that I had made great progress in this area. Savings was up, debt was decreasing at a nice pace.  This felt really good and I got a boost from making progress there.
   
   I also realized that while my writing was not going as fast as I wanted, I was doing well in other areas.  I had gotten real clarity in almost every other area of the program.  I had done some really great things at work that helped others work better.
   
   Give yourself some credit for the things you have done.  Maybe life has taken you down a different path and there's good in that too.
    

4. Practice gratitude. I find that I can break out of negativity by practicing gratitude.  I do this naturally as I don't like wallowing in negativity because it's physically uncomfortable for me.  But I decided to look intentionally at what I have in my life and the list just kept growing. 
   
   But maybe you have a busy life with kids or parents to take care of. Or two jobs.  Or are dealing with illness or unemployment.  And it's great for me that I've been able to make progress in other areas but what could you possibly say? 
   
   When I think of gratitude, I think of the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh.  I remind myself that I am grateful to have my eyesight and see the beauty in everything around me, and that my heart is working well (Book: The Energy of Mindfulness). When I am really down, I remind myself of how lucky I am not to live in a war-torn country where people are living in constant devastation.  I envision what that must feel like and my heart aches for those people. But I realize how incredibly lucky I am to live in what Nhat calls 'paradise'. Here's a post that guides you through creating a Gratitude Practice. 

So what happened you might wonder?  I was able to write something.  You know this because you are reading this. And I am more motivated than ever because I also got some clarity from taking the break and refocusing. I got energy and motivation from celebrating other good things.  

What do you do when you are stuck?

Read my previous post on the pilot program: Word of the Week: Focus

Word of the Week: Focus

This week was fantastic as usual with our pilot team. We get so much inspiration and positive energy from each other.

But the word of the week for us is FOCUS. Actually it's come up a few times today and it's an awesome word.  

The team is at that point where we are taking action on our goals.  We really started last week. We looked at our goals and broke them down into goals for the month and then we broke it down some more into goals for the week.

We share our tasks with each other and we commit to doing the work.  Then we get back together and discuss our progress, where we got stuck and what we learned.  And then we start again.

The theme that came out this week was FOCUS.  Since it was our first week, we didn't finish as much as we wanted but we did actually do pretty well considering our loose planning.  But Ms K. talked about how having a list helps her focus and Ms. M. talked about how she's...

"looking at what NOT to focus on in order to get the important work done"

Now that is awesomeness!

As Steve Job's quote above says - deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do. So often we say we want to focus but we don't remove the noise.  We end up with all the stuff while we struggle with trying to get done what we think is important. But the noise is still there and we end up not doing a great job of focusing on what's important.

It's something I study in my many interests that talk about minimalism, which is based on essentialism.  Greg McKeown, author of one of my new favorite books - Essentialism, says that essentialists carefully select the things they say YES to and say NO to everything else.

At work today I heard the same theme.  Our company lost it's focus and now we are doing poorly.  We lost sight of what made us great by focusing on too many things.

And so it goes with so many things.  We focus on all the things that are supposed to fulfill us and then realize that we don't have time to enjoy anything. We proudly say we are good at multitasking without realizing that it's an illusion of being hyper productive and that our minds simply don't work that way.  And we waste more and more time on the things that don't matter. 

The key is really that we have to make space for what's important by removing the other things. I have s-l-o-w-l-y worked on this.  Making a conscious decision to remove the non-important things allows me to live my life with intent.  I'm a work in progress but I feel closer to my goals than ever, at least I feel like I am actually making progress.

And once you start, focusing on doing something well feels so good. It's so satisfying knowing that you are spending your time on the important things.  What will you remove from your days so that you can focus on what's important?

Read my previous post on the pilot program: The Energy of Shared Consciousness

The Energy of Shared Consciousness

Tonight we had our regular meeting and I will admit, I was tired.  I was tired and a little unmotivated.  I so wanted to "call in" tired.  I wanted to check out and take a nap.  I had already worked a full 9 hours, plus two hours of driving and even cooked a quick dinner.

But alas, I had an obligation and this is my program, after all.  I got on our video conference and admitted I was tired.  

Checking in

We always start with a check-in.  It's a technique I'd heard and read about years ago in coaching classes but thought it was too weird to do with my teams at work.  After a teaming class last fall, I decided to try it for certain meetings and I learned that it was useful.  Then we started working with some consultants and they explained more fully that the check-in served the purpose of becoming present for the meeting and I was hooked.  Our program participants and I now always check in and we love it.  We answer the question - what has our attention? Sometimes we're distracted and it's something else.  Sometimes we are fully present and announce that to the group.  It's completely without judgement. What it does is set us up as a team to understand what our present state is.  It allows us to put out to the universe and to the team where we are mentally and it sets us free from any thoughts that we're holding on to.  For those of us who practice mindfulness, it allows us to move on and be present.

As quickly as that, the first 10 minutes, I was energized.  I did most of the talking tonight, which I don't love. But this was a teaching day where I had to share the process with the team.  Not only did I get through it, I was energized and inspired.  I was able to talk through the what and the why (the why can get kind of mushy sometimes).  I am not totally comfortable with all of this yet since I am trying all of this for the first time.  But I was there and I felt inspired to share more and motivate the other ladies.

In his book, Team of Teams, General McChrystal talked about a shared consciousness.  It's basically how we function as a group in terms of our beliefs, ideas and attitudes.  

At the end of the meeting, we now do a closing round. Each team member shares how they feel at the end of the meeting.  We all shared that we felt focused and motivated. One team member shared that we validate that her goals are not silly and that there is potential in her interests.  

Miraculously, this is exactly where we should be.  We are kicking off the action part of our little project and everyone is feeling focused and motivated and there really isn't anything better than that.

Next for everyone is a plan to get started.  This week we all work on developing a plan and breaking that down into small, attainable tasks.  Each week going forward, we'll report on our progress, discuss what we've learned and then plan the next week.  

Read my previous post on the program pilot: Accountability Trumps Will-Power

Accountability Trumps Will Power

We just finished up our last Goals setting meeting.  It was a meeting where we fine-tuned our goals to determine what we could get done in the next quarter using the mind mapping activity that we completed earlier. 

We all did great.  Everyone was able to hone in on what they wanted to achieve in the next three months, stretch themselves a little but also being realistic.  I asked the team to think about it as a mission for the next 3 months together and really ask themselves - is this the best that I can achieve for my business in the next three months?

Everyone did just that and it felt great.  Next steps are to break that down into monthly goals and then weekly goals.

But what did we learn tonight?  We all shared some interesting thoughts.  All of us reported getting some unplanned things done.  I spent the weekend working through my Dreambook, which actually helped me break down my work into action items for the next three months.  M reported that she started her new blog and Instagram account that she'd been putting off for months because she didn't have a name and the right focus for it. K shared that she had actually gotten a little head of some of the goals breakdown and K2 had decided on her blogging schedule.

What everyone said was that we all felt a sense of accountability to each other.  Only because we mentioned the prior week in passing that we would act on an idea.  M asked for opinions on her blog name, some gave a few options.  She liked one of them and said, I will set up my Instagram account. Based on just that, she felt compelled to set it up before we all got back together.

How incredibly interesting.  And I was so excited to share how much I had accomplished. 

The major theme of this program is just that - accountability.  There are many coaching programs out there that share tons of goal-setting information and make tools and techniques available to you.  Many folks offer live coaching sessions as well.  But what I wanted to really leverage from the Scrum team formations of the corporate world, was the added benefit of shared focus and accountability. 

That accountability is the reason for the weekly check-ins that we do.  It forces you to face a group of peers that you committed something to.  Ultimately, most of us want to please and we don't like letting people down.  The simple act of committing to something and then following through is a sign of integrity in our culture. 

We like to believe that we get things done via will power. Exercise, diet, work on other goals. And sometimes we have the focusand drive to push forward.  But in a crazy world, with so many competing priorities, having peers that hold you accountable drives action.

At the end of the meeting, we do a checkout round to close out the meeting.  Each of us just share what state we were ending the call on.  We each thanked each other for keeping ourselves accountable to each other.  That was the theme that came out of the call and that is what is inspiring action.

Is peer accountability something that would get you closer to your goals?

Read my previous post on the program pilot: Dream A Little

Dream a little

This week, we finally got to dream a little.  We each did a visualization exercise to dump all of our ideas onto paper.

• What do I want to do with my business?
• What is the purpose of my business?
• What inspires me?
• What are some key objectives of the near future?

So we used a technique that many are familiar with called Mind Mapping.  I've had little interest in this in the past.  I've seen some mind mapping done within IT and it just looks like some crazy dump of words that mean nothing.

But I did a quick mind-map one day to figure out the main areas that I wanted to focus on for my career and realized that it was a good tool to jump dump everything that is on my mind.  It allowed me to see everything that was hidden up there and bring light to those things that I didn't realize I had been thinking about.

Former Google career coach and job strategist, Jenny Blake recommends creating a mind map, a visual diagram of your interests and goals. It's a brain storming activity that allows you to throw your thoughts about a subject onto paper. Here's a short video from her that I found useful to describe the activity.

So each of us did our mind map and we all agreed that not only was a good tool, but it would allow us to refer back to it in the future to make sure we don't forget things.

I've referenced Dreambook before and ironically, they use mind mapping to create goals for the year, 3-years, 10 years and life goals.  So it was funny that I had been thinking about it and it came up at the same time as I was working through my Dreambook.  Perfect timing.

So here's my MindMap. 

This was focused specifically on this program that I am working on creating.  The spokes lead to some main themes or areas that I believe I need to work on - Program deliverables, Business setup (including naming the business), Social Media, mini-courses and speaking.

Some of these are things that I need to do to set up the business and some are foundational things that I need to do to start stirring up interest. And there are a couple that I will put off for later. 

This allowed me easily take on my next task, which was to focus on a few areas for the pilot. 

I will hang this on my wall.

Read my previous post in the program pilot: The Power of the Kick Start

The Power of the Kick Start

And, we're off!

If you read my previous post, you know that I am kicking off a pilot that will help me frame up a personal productivity program that I've been thinking about for a while.  The program is based on applying agile principles and practices to personal life goals.  The premise is that agile principles can help you break down larger goals (reducing debt, losing weight, kicking off a business) into smaller, more manageable parts that you are more likely to stick with.

So we've kicked things off and we're off to a great start.  We did an intro session to get to know each other and talk about our goals. We talked a little about the program structure and what I was hoping to get out of the pilot.

I'll admit that I was a little nervous at first since I was not totally prepared.  So I put it out there that things were not perfect or well-groomed and that everything was a work in progress.  Everyone agreed that it seemed more prepared and well put together than I was presenting it to be.

So first lesson for me right out the door is - get started.  I decided not to wait until I was fully "ready'.  I knew that the timing was right and that I needed to just get moving.  I am lucky that I can share with everyone that this is an experimental program at the time so it gives me a little wiggle room if things don't seem perfect. Sort of my "out". 

But I also need to practice what I preach about perfection not being an attainable goal and put out to the universe things that are not perfectly done. 

This is an exciting experiment to see how this evolves including even the name of the program.  I am leaving things open to respond to how things come together.  This feels strange to me but much more responsive in terms of trying something and then observing and then tweaking for next time.

So just like Lao Tzu says - a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Taking one step after another to create something that I think will be pure awesome!

Read my next post about the pilot: Dream a Little

Why can't I achieve my life goals?

Do you start every year with your newly minted new year's resolution? 

With all the resolve you can muster, you commit to losing weight, getting your finances straight, redoing the kitchen, get a new job, stop smoking, stop drinking, save more money, learn a new language, you name it.

Until you start realizing that you never actually achieve that resolution and you finally give up.  And you become one of those people who "doesn't do resolutions."

We all have great intentions but boy is it hard to follow through.  If we only had more will-power! 

But is it really that you don't have will power?  Most of us get up every day and go to work. There are consequences to not going to work including homelessness and starvation.  Most of us take care of our families, our friends, go to church, clean the house, etc.  We don't lack will power to get the essentials done. Even when we absolutely don't want to do things, we find the will power to get going.

But we know that some programs do work.  We know that people can be successful with weight loss or reducing debt, etc. Some people seem to have some kind of individual will power that the rest of us envy.  But really what they do is prioritize these goals and keep themselves accountable.  Sometimes they have someone else who keeps them accountable - ala, Weight Watchers and Alcoholics Anonymous. 

So I was thinking… what if we have a program that helps with both of those?  I use techniques at work that help teams prioritize the most important work and keep each other accountable to deliver on their work goals.  They harness the power of working as a tight team of peers to focus and commit to their goals together and then deliver as a unit.  If one fails, they all fail.  And they succeed as a team.

Why can't we do that with personal goals? I think we can!!!!

I am kicking off a new program that helps with goal-setting, prioritization, and accountability and uses rituals and practices to help us habitualize the behaviors we need to actually achieve our goals.

I find that the one thing that helps those of us who struggle to create good habits or work on our goals is accountability.  That's why good athletes have coaches and it's why those programs I mentioned above work.  It's why fitness gurus recommend getting a buddy to work out with or diet with. 

Online programs abound on goal-setting training and techniques for creating a plan.  But I want a program that helps you stay accountable to a peer group that you commit to regularly doing the required work to reach your goals.

The Pilot

Our pilot starts this week with a lovely group of ladies, all focused on starting or growing a business.  The businesses are all different but the focus is the same - what do we need to do to kick off our businesses or reboot/grow an existing business?

We'll visualize and brainstorm together, set goals, prioritize, break down the work into achievable chunks and then plan our small tasks and report back to each other on our progress.

The key is regular check-ins to share with the team our progress. Through those check-ins we'll also share insights, learnings and feedback that might help each other out.  So in addition to accountability, we'll have the benefit of peer feedback on our ideas.  That's something you can't get when you work alone on your goals.

Stay tuned. 

Read my next post about the pilot: The Power of the Kick Start